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IS A HUG CONSIDERED ALTERNATIVE THERAPY?

Posted by Denoyer Geppert on

Recently we received a letter regarding alternative medicine and urine therapy and my article suggesting that this type of therapy is BOGUS.  One reader, Tom H. disagrees as he routinely uses many alternative therapies with amazing results and he plans to live to 120.

Although my blog may appear as satire it is actually produced as a means of generating income and I whole heartedly believe that consuming your expelled bodily fluids is unhealthy.  However, there are several other trends which we at Denoyer disagree with also - Below are the top 5

5. Drinking your urine - see blog Don't Drink Your Urine

4. Aura Cleansing -  I'm not a Reiki and auras and chi are really outside of my knowledge base. However, I can help you better then your Reiki and for cheaper by giving you a big warm hug.  I'll hug you for a full minute - for free - come over to the office.

3. Crystal Healing -  Nope.  See number 4

2. Wheatgrass Enema -  According to its proponents, wheatgrass is a wonder-plant and one shot of its juice will, amongst other things, provide you with a full day's worth of veggies, help you lose weight, detoxify you and oxygenate your blood.  Oh, and apparently all of its many benefits are greatly increased if you put it up your arse rather than swallow it.

Unfortunately, wheatgrass isn't as miraculous as people claim it to be. For a start, any claim that a product will "detoxify" you should be approached with caution. There are very few ways to actually flush toxins out of your system, and the most effective one by far is by drinking water. No amount of expensive green juice is going to speed that process up.

The claim that the juice will oxygenate your blood is based on its high levels of chlorophyll. The molecular structure of chlorophyll happens to look similar to that of hemoglobin, the molecule in your blood that carries oxygen. 

Unfortunately, this is another case of putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 17. Chlorophyll cannot be absorbed by the human body and it certainly can't replace your hemoglobin. Even if it could, chlorophyll converts sunlight into energy in plants, and there is not exactly much sunlight in your veins and arteries or up your butt - see #1.

drum roll please

1. Tom H. suggested we produce a model to illustrate the newest trend of sunning the rear nether region.  "30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole is the equivalent of a full day of sunlight with your clothes on! Benefits included: more energy, better sleep, and a boost in creativity."  

We at Denoyer-Geppert Science Co. manufacture anatomical models and charts of anatomy and pathology for education.  We have been doing it for over 100 years so we are pretty good at it but alas we do not have this model nor one in mind to produce. 

Tom says he will test it out and provide us with feed back - no pictures please.

I have considered revving up the Flux Capacitor and traveling to a future year of 2078 to check on Tom 

You can get specs on that here: 

https://www.denoyer.com/products/121g-flux-capacitor?_pos=1&_sid=ed4225244&_ss=r

 

 


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